What To Do When Your New Year’s Resolutions Fail

Yep. It’s that time again.

Time to make your New Year’s resolutions. Maybe you plan to . . .

  • Finish that training you bought
  • Create your on-line course
  • Network more
  • Whatever it takes to grow your business to the next level.

You’re going to do it this time Right?!

And you start out strong. But then, in six months—Or six weeks. Or six days. Or six hours!—you find you’ve given up.

(Been there. Done that. Gave up on resolutions completely for awhile.)

But why? Why do we give up when it’s so important to us?

Well, what I’ve seen over and over again is that when your resolution goes against something in your subconscious—even if your subconscious is being irrational, illogical, or just plain stupid—your subconscious always wins.

No amount of willpower can push past your subconscious for long.

It just wears you down until you give up.

Three types of subconscious blocks I’ve seen a lot of are:

  • A belief that you need to do (or avoid) something to stay safe.
  • Others’ limiting expectations of you.
  • Seeing yourself in a limiting way. (Check out the video for examples of what each of these looks like.)

So what do you do if you can’t seem to follow through on your resolution?

Well, the fastest way to change I know of is to uncover your subconscious block and tap to release it.

If you don’t know how to do that (or you don’t have a tapping practitioner to work with), what I’d suggest is to create a daily tapping practice with your resolution. Here’s how:

  • Set aside at least 5 minutes every morning.
  • During that 5 minutes, visualize yourself taking the action you’ve resolved to take AND getting the results you want.
  • (And, most importantly) Tap while you visualize.

Tapping whittles away at the underlying fear, limiting belief, or whatever.

So it gets easier to follow through on your resolution and, eventually, create the “new you.” And new and improved business.

No willpower required.

Happy New Year and Happy Tapping!
—Nancy

The Biggest Trap Stopping Women Entrepreneurs

This is the biggest subconscious block that prevents women business owners from stepping fully into the leadership role they are called to fill.

It can underlie many of the problems that you face, like—
• The money ceiling that keeps you stuck financially,
• The fear that prevents you from speaking up,
• The fact that you just never get around to finishing your book,
• That something that holds you back so you end up watching ideal clients pass you by to go work with someone who (in your heart of hearts you know) just won’t serve them as well as you would have.

I put this underlying subconscious block under the umbrella term “Mindset.”

To be clear, all of the subconscious blocks I release for clients are mindset problems. But this one is the biggie for women business owners.

And if you’ve got it, you know how it can totally deflate you.

It’s the Who, me? reaction you get when you think about helping more people.

Or standing up and saying what you believe.

Or making a lot more money.

Or bringing about a change you know is so desperately needed in the world.

Doing what you know you could do. In a big way.

Being fully who you are called to be.

You can see the next step. The next breakthrough. The next level on the horizon.

But you stop yourself with—
• I don’t know enough yet.
• They’ll never listen to me.
• Somebody else is so much better.
• I’m not good enough.
• I don’t deserve it.
Who do I think I am?

So you stay small.

Struggling.

And yet, you have this idea. Call it a vision. A purpose. A calling.

Whatever you call it, it came to you.

Yes, other people do what you do. But no one does it exactly the way you do.

Because no one grew up the way you did. Had the same experiences you did. The same learning you did. The same passions. The same way of looking at the world.

And that is why you are being called to step up. Now.

You are needed.

You need to step up so those people who resonate with you—who need you—can find you. Can get the exact transformation only you can bring them.

In the way only you can.

If you don’t step up—if you let your Mindset blocks get in your way—the World is a lesser place.

Your people continue to suffer. (And the people in their lives won’t get the benefit of that transformation you would have created, either.)

So, yes, the World needs you. It needs the biggest you you can bring.

And if your Mindset issues are getting in the way of that, you owe it to the world to root them out and get rid of them.

Tap with me to do that. Or use another approach.

But do something.

Change your Mindset so you can show up in the biggest way you can.

Because the World needs that.

The World needs YOU.

Happy Tapping!

—Nancy

It’s Time

Are you struggling to make the kind of money that would let you breathe easier?

That other people seem able to earn?

That you know you’re capable of making?

If so, then it’s time.

It’s time to let more money into your life.

It’s time to make the changes you need to so you can start living the way you’ve been feeling is out of reach.

It’s time to change your mind.

What am I talking about? Well, you know those money problems you have? They start out as money blocks in your subconscious.

And, because they’re in your subconscious, you usually only see the results in the real world, with no idea why you keep struggling, year after year. (Boy, do I know how crazy-making that can be!)

Luckily, your subconscious can be changed.

I know this because I’ve been getting rid of clients’ subconscious blocks to having more money for years. Literally.

It is amazing what they start seeing financially as soon as their blocks start to melt!

Right now I have two ways for you to get started making the same kind of change.

First, join my Money Blocks Solution. It’s a small, select group of people who are ready to change their old patterns and start having more money in their life. Together we go deep into the specific causes of each of their blocks, then release them. Here are more details: https://unblockresults.com/money-blocks-solution/

To see if the group is right for you, just reach out. DM me or email me at Nancy@UnblockResults.com. We’ll set up your free Money Blocks Assessment to identify your subconscious blocks to having more money in your life and see if there is a fit with the group.

And if you contact me before Friday, October 2nd—tomorrow—you get my early bird bonus as soon as you sign up for the group.

The bonus is my online program Release Your Money Blocks, filled with videos you tap along with on your own schedule to release common money blocks, raise your money ceiling, and even make the Law of Attraction start working for you.

I very rarely make Release Your Money Blocks available to anyone outside my private coaching clients, but when I do I sell it for $297. You can get it for free as a reward for taking action now.

Don’t wait though. To be eligible for that early bird special you have to reach out to me for your assessment by tomorrow (Friday).

Now I know this might not be the right time for you to join my group. And I don’t want you to wait to start changing your mind to let more money into your life.

So here’s the second way you can get started changing your subconscious . . .

You can get my Release Your Money Blocks between now and the end of the day on Friday, October 9th, for only $99. Yep, that’s way more than half off the usual price. Here you go: https://unblockresults.com/product/release-your-money-blocks/

Because it’s time.

A Sneaky Kind of Procrastination

A sneaky kind of procrastination might be holding you back. This kind of procrastination shows up as a repeating pattern of almost—but not quite—getting what you want.

How is this procrastination? Well, if you don’t get what you want, you don’t move forward on your goals. Then you’re stuck, just like with “traditional” procrastination.

More than one client has faced this problem of coming close to achieving an important goal and then falling short. The first time or two we don’t get the job offer, or take advantage of a business idea, or finish an offer on time, it could just be life. But when it’s a pattern that happens over and over again, it shows that there is something happening below the surface that we’re not aware of.

Watch to find out what can cause this sneaky kind of procrastination and what you can do to get rid of it.

If you recognize a pattern in your own life of not achieving your important goals and want to stop procrastinating once and for all so you can create the life you are meant to live, email me. We’ll set up a call to talk about what’s going on with you and see if I can help.

A Way to Make Your Resolutions Work

If you don’t really expect much from your New Year’s resolutions—or you’ve given up making them entirely—try this technique. It whittles away at what’s going on below the surface that’s keeping you stuck.

There’s a reason your resolutions usually don’t work, and it has nothing to do with how motivated you are to make a change. When you try to make a big change, something gets triggered subconsciously, like:
•  a fear,
•  a belief, or
•  a competing need.

When that reaction is too powerful for willpower alone to overcome, you eventually give up on your resolution. And that’s why the resolution never seems to last much longer than February. Year after year.

Tapping is a great way to let go of those kinds of fears, beliefs and needs. The easy 3-step technique in this video is one way to try out some simple Tapping on your own on any resolution you’ve struggled with. It whittles away at what’s going on below the surface that’s holding you back.

So watch the video to get started making that resolution work for you. And you don’t have to wait for January 1st. You can use it anytime you want to make a change!

If you want to stop procrastinating once and for all and start living the life you are meant to, email me. We’ll set up a call to talk about what’s going on with you and see if I can help.

Stop Procrastinating. Go Out and Play!

As kids we’re all taught to get our work done first before . . .
• playing with friends
• watching TV
• having dessert
• really, doing anything fun.
It’s called delayed gratification, and it’s not only a sign of maturity, it’s a skill that’s essential to accomplishing most anything that is important in life.

Most of us have learned to use this approach as an incentive to get ourselves to finish those things we would rather avoid. It makes sense. But, when taken too far, it can actually cause us to procrastinate.

This happened to a client of mine who had been trying very hard to be a good, mature adult who did her chores before going out to play. It backfired and ended up causing her to procrastinate on the very thing she was trying to get herself motivated to do.

Watch the video to see why that happened and how to know when you should chuck delayed gratification in the trash and just Go Out and Play!

If you would like some help figuring out what’s causing your procrastination, email me. We’ll set up a call to talk about what’s going on with you and see if I can help.

Cutting The Gordian Knot of Your Toughest Problem

Two women were struggling in different ways to get past their blocks to doing what they wanted. Their difficulties were insurmountable—to them. When I looked at their situations, however, their problems seemed self-imposed, and quite easy to change. Even without tapping.

“Angie” has a job she hates. She has been working toward getting certified so she can start looking for a bookkeeping job she will enjoy. But she has two more classes to take and won’t be finished for at least six more months. So she won’t be able to make a change for at least that long. And she can’t quit because she is the sole provider for herself and her ten-year-old daughter. She is frustrated that she can’t make a change now. Except maybe she can.

gordian knotShe is already doing bookkeeping for her current employer. And she assures me that she doesn’t need to be certified to provide bookkeeping services in her city. So I floated an idea. Why not start Continue reading “Cutting The Gordian Knot of Your Toughest Problem”

Get More Done—Take a Break!

Time for a confession: I get blocked, too. In fact, I had some serious internal blocks to marketing my business in the past, and I had to work very hard to figure out what they were and root them out. As I worked on my own blocks, I found it easier and easier to do things like write my newsletter, talk to others about what I do, take on more clients—all the things I had been planning to do but dragging my feet on.

Since getting rid of these blocks, I even thought of a plan to share what I do to help clients with sleep problems with a lot more people. I was very excited about creating my manual with supporting video and audio aids. I got off to a good start outlining what would go where and making a start on the manual. Then I stalled out. Whenever I thought, “I should do another section for the manual,” I would find myself doing something, anything else. What was going on? I thought I’d taken care of all my blocks already!

Hey, I’m a coach who specializes in helping people get rid of what is holding them back. Surely I should be able to figure this one out. Was I holding myself back by trying to be perfect? No, that didn’t match what was going on. Did I need to get rid of the usual timewasters? Well, I tried and that didn’t work. I just found other, more creative ways to waste time. I wasn’t even wasting time, really. I was just working on things that weren’t as important. What if I cleared out some of the impediments to working on the manual? Nope, that wasn’t it.

I tried everything I could think of. Nothing worked. So I gave up and asked my coach. Yes, I have a coach. Two, actually. We coaches have realized that, no matter how good we are at helping our clients, it can be impossible sometimes to figure out our own problem. It’s like that old adage, you can’t see the forest for the trees. So when I really want to get moving I call one of my coaches. I called.

In about twenty minutes, Rebecca showed me that I was falling into a trap that many, many people are falling into these days. There is so much to do. If we aren’t working all the time, we feel like we’re falling behind. So we work later, eat lunch at our desks, stop taking breaks, start working on weekends, anything we can do to get more work done. But the reality is we get less done, not more when we do this.

taking a breakWhy should this be? Rebecca has done the research and tells me it’s because the adult brain cannot work for more than ninety minutes at a time. After ninety minutes, it just can’t take in any more information. It needs to take a break for something like twenty minutes before it can get back into high gear. That’s why my schedule of trying to get it all done without coming up for air was backfiring. I would hit my ninety-minute limit, then go into mental puttering mode, doing things that didn’t take much thought. The more I pushed, the less I could think clearly. I wasn’t taking any breaks, so my brain wasn’t coming back online. As Rebecca pointed out, I was being neither strategic nor smart by working constantly.

I spent a bit of time arguing with Rebecca. Well, sure, that’s true for other people, but I should be able to work through the pain. I have too much to do to be weak like that. I can take a break in a few months, after I’ve finished my project. Rebecca listened patiently to me rant, only smiling a little at my efforts to avoid physiology. We both knew that trying to ignore reality wasn’t working and wasn’t going to work. I needed to change my approach if I wanted to get more done. I had to take breaks every ninety minutes or so. Everyone does.

Once I caved and admitted that I was human, we got to work figuring out what the most effective way for me to work was so that I could get more done with the less clock time I would be using. Rebecca reminded me of the Pareto Principle. You’ve probably come across this at some time or other. The Pareto Principle holds that around 80% of results come from around 20% of efforts. To get the best results, then, I needed to schedule my most important “efforts” into the 20% of my time when I was most productive.

For me, this means scheduling ninety minutes to work on my sleep manual at the beginning of the day, when I have the most energy and focus. No more “clearing out the easy stuff,” like emails, when I sit down at my computer. That can wait. I have something important to do, and that is going to get done in my most productive time.

And, yes, I have to actually schedule breaks every ninety minutes or so throughout my day. The funny thing is, I’ve advised clients that they need to take breaks to be able to do their job better. I even wrote a post about taking a break when you are stressed so you can think better.

I knew this. Now you know it, too.

So your tip for this week is to figure out the times you are most productive. First thing in the morning? Right after lunch? The last hour of the day when everyone leaves you alone? Schedule your important projects for those times. And, yes, schedule breaks every ninety minutes or so. Run up and down in the stairwell a few times. Go get coffee with a co-worker and talk shop. Go for a walk. Take a real break so you can get some real work done.

I want to give a shout out to my friend and coach, Rebecca Kane. Thanks for pointing out the forest, Rebecca. I couldn’t have done it without you.

Don’t Wait Until You’re Perfectly Ready—Leap Before You Look!

Last week I described why demanding perfection from yourself can sabotage your work or business. You can waste enormous amounts of time and energy feeling bad that you don’t do your job exactly the way you think you should, or perform better than everybody else, or get more done. You may put off taking action—speaking up at a meeting, taking on a new project at work, or telling others about your business—and so miss out on opportunities that could come your way. So while working to improve your skills is an important part of growth and development, perfectionism is a major block to anyone hoping to advance in their career or grow their business.

If you recognize yourself as a perfectionist who is blocking your own success, then the technique I detailed last week of changing your internal message from “I’m not good enough” to “I am good enough” is a valuable approach to changing your perfectionist mindset. By all means, use it. But don’t stop there. To get even more powerful results, and get them quicker, try the opposite extreme for while. Start taking immediate action. Do things before you feel completely ready to act, before your plan is perfectly formed.

Leap First, Ask Questions Later

In bungee jumping, it's all about taking the leapWhen you see an opportunity, step up and take it. If your boss says she needs someone to take on a new project, open your mouth and say “I’ll do it” before you have time to think of all the reasons you’re not the best qualified. If someone at the next table at lunch is talking about having a problem that your business handles, lean over, apologize for interrupting, and hand them your card instead of thinking of the other people out there who must know more than you do. Go ask your boss for something new to work on. In other words, leap before you look.

For the next month, try this as an experiment. Do not analyze all the pros and cons of doing things before doing them. You’ve already been doing that and it hasn’t worked for you —you fell into the perfectionist trap. So it’s time to try a new approach. Instead, act first then figure out how to do the best you reasonably can with the opportunity you now have.

If you are a true perfectionist, you are probably going into conniptions right about now, thinking “I can’t do that, what if I get it wrong? What if I don’t do it as well as the other guy? I’m just not ready. There’s not enough time.” Do it anyway. It is a fast way to get out of your old rut. The more you do it, the more successes you will have and the more you will realize that your old way of thinking (that you aren’t good enough at what you do and need to do everything better to be valuable) is wrong.

How to Leap First, In Two Easy Steps

If you follow a couple of steps, it will be easier to do this experiment.

First, talk and think about your goals for everything you do in a different way. Whatever your project is, whether it is fixing a process in your department that is too slow, editing an internal manual, or training your client’s employees in the use of new software, your job is to improve the situation and make it better than it was—not to make everything perfect. Remind yourself of this at every chance you get. When you realize that your goal is to improve things for your company or your client, then you will realize that every improvement you make gives value. In this way, every improvement you make is a success. Remember, perfection isn’t achievable. Improvement is.

Second, plan from the start to make changes to your project, whatever it is, as you go along. This is actually a deliberate approach taken by many companies because it often gets them better results than waiting to start work on a project until it is all planned out. That way they, and you, can make changes as they go along to meet the needs that become apparent only after they’ve been working on it for a time.

Case in Point: How Cal Built Momentum

For example, take a client of mine who realized he should be out networking for a new job but was having trouble getting moving. “Cal” had all sorts of excuses. He hadn’t updated his old resume. He needed to optimize it for the type of job he wanted to get. He needed to create a plan for who to contact in what order to get the type of job he wanted to get. Heck, he needed to figure out what kind of job he wanted to get! Every way he looked, he saw ways he could do it wrong, and that had him stymied.

To cut the Gordian Knot, he emailed an acquaintance, asking for coffee and the opportunity to talk about what kinds of jobs were out there. No, he hadn’t perfected his resume, his plan of attack or even his goal. But he was moving, and things started to fall into place. The acquaintance had heard of a couple of jobs that might do. They didn’t, but they got Cal thinking of some other places to look for job postings. Another friend offered to make suggestions for his resume and came up with changes that were far better than Cal would have made on his own. Soon he was clarifying what he wanted in his next job as well as getting a better idea of what was available. He was also sending out better and better resumes. None of these things would have happened if he waited until he had everything perfectly ready to go.

Your Assignment: Do This for 30 Days

If you are a perfectionist, here is your assignment. For the next month, whenever you get that familiar, uncomfortable feeling that you’re not ready, or not good enough, to take on a project, whether big or small, step forward and do it. (Okay, start with just a small project first if you need to, but as soon as it is complete do another.) Next, set a limited goal only to improve the situation you are working on, whatever it is, not to make it perfect. Finally, get started on it, knowing that you can and will adjust what you are doing as new information comes in.

(By the way, if you know that this is what you need to do to get out of your own perfectionist trap but you just can’t bring yourself to start the experiment, a coach might be able to help you dismantle the trap so you can move forward.)

Some part of all perfectionists knows that they can do more than they are allowing themselves to do. If that’s you, try this experiment and see how quickly you can strengthen that part of you and really start succeeding the way you know you can.

A Simple Way to Escape the Perfectionism Trap

Perfectionism is a block many people have that masquerades as a positive attribute. We often think that the drive to be perfect in what we do and who we are pushes us to achieve more in our work. It does, to a certain extent. More often, though, it slows us down or even keeps us from starting something that has the potential to really propel us forward. Let me give you two examples of what this block can look like.

The Professional Perfectionist

Shoelaces tied togetherThere is a particular breed of independent professional who never seems to be satisfied with their abilities. They are always getting one more training, learning one more technique, acquiring one more string of letters to put behind their name. I support being a lifelong learner and seeking more knowledge in our professions when done for the right reasons. But consider one perfectionist professional, let’s call him Carl, who isn’t using the pursuit of knowledge to improve his work, he is using it to hide from his work.

Instead of bringing what he already has into the world to help people, Carl holds himself back with thoughts that he isn’t ready. He not only delays things like marketing to prospective clients and referrers, he even avoids printing up business cards and talks down his own abilities to friends and acquaintances. He keeps telling himself things like, “I’m not good enough yet. I’ll just get one more certification. Then I’ll be good enough at what I do to offer it to people.” But since he always sees one more something-or-other that he can learn, he keeps his availability under wraps. His business just limps along with too few clients. And people Carl could help go elsewhere, or do without.

The Corporate Perfectionist

Perfectionism blocks people in the corporate world, too. A client I’ve been working with recently, “Jen,” would go into a tailspin whenever anything went wrong—if her code broke, the boss told her to change something she had been working on, or a co-worker was recognized for his work when she was not. Any time her work was less than perfect, or even just less impressive in some respect than a colleague’s, she would tell herself “I’m not good enough,” and her work would suffer because of it. For several days she would go into a funk, not just feeling down but unable to think clearly and get her work done.

That message, “I’m not good enough,” is what I call an emotional belief. It is a statement that we can argue with logically, and even know in our heads to be wrong, but deep down it just feels true. It turns out that Jen’s emotional belief came from growing up with a father who taught her that everything she did had to be done absolutely correctly or it was a failure. Getting 97% on an exam was not enough. Why did she get that one question wrong? She worked very hard to get his approval, which was always out of reach. That drive to be perfect worked for a time. She got great grades, went to impressive schools, and got a good job, but ultimately it held her back.

Jen and I have been working, memory by memory, on defusing the times her father’s disapproval trained her to believe “I’m not good enough.” As each memory loses its punch. Jen finds she can bounce back from things that go wrong that much quicker. What used to take her days to recover from now takes a few hours or less. This is a huge improvement, and it shows not just in her mood but in her work, too.

A Quick Test: Are You A Perfectionist?

High achievers often have a touch of perfectionism in them. It pushes them to do better than others. But when it becomes a block, it can seem insurmountable. Look around at your own life. Do you have any examples of acting like Carl or Jen? Do you put off moving on an opportunity because “other people are better than me” or “I’m not ready yet,” even though what you have to offer right now is valuable and would help people? Do you beat yourself up (metaphorically speaking) whenever things don’t go exactly the way you imagined they should?

Here’s a quick way to determine if you have a perfectionism block. Say out loud “I’m not good enough.” How true did that feel to you emotionally on a scale of 0 to 100 percent? If your number is anything greater than 0, you could benefit from making a deceptively simple change.

Your Quick Escape from the Perfectionist Trap

Whenever you notice that you are holding yourself to a standard of perfection—whether you are putting off something that you know you could do now because you don’t feel ready, or you are feeling bad because you have not done something quite as well as you hoped—think to yourself “It’s good enough.” For added punch, say it out loud. If  you actually catch yourself thinking something like “I’m not good enough,” then think or say “I am good enough.”

You may have to say it several times if your feelings drown the statement out. And you will have to keep changing your negative message to the positive one for some time to come, probably months, to break the old habit of perfectionism.

At first, you won’t notice much change. In fact, you’ll probably notice that you “talk back” to yourself, thinking things like “Still, I could have done it better” or “But I don’t have the training that so-and-so has” or even simply a sarcastic “Yeah, right.”

Keep going. Say it again. “It’s good enough, and I’m good enough.”

If you need to, write down the objective evidence that what you did (or who you are) is indeed “good enough.” (For more on how to use this approach, see my article on changing your negative self-talk.)

Make It Stick!

This is so simple it might seem too good to be true, but it works—if you stick with it—by challenging your negative mindset and re-writing a new message. (If your belief that you’re not good enough doesn’t budge after you’ve been challenging it for a while, it’s probably time to see a coach.)

Each time you remind yourself that you are good enough you will be taking a step forward on the road to changing the old message that has been holding you back. You will start to notice that it gets easier to bounce back from mistakes and take chances. And when finally you no longer hold yourself back by demanding perfection, you will discover that your “good enough” takes you very, very far indeed!