This one is pretty weird, I have to admit. But it’s come up for me and a number of clients, so I put together this video to tell you a bit about how a strange kind of “inheritance” caused me to procrastinate and what I did about it.
You might have a similar cause of procrastination if:
You’ve taken care of everything you can think of and something is still holding you back,
You feel like there’s an odd energy that gets in the way of your taking action,
There’s a story of someone in your family who was prevented from reaching their big goal or goals.
If any of that sounds like you (or you’re just curious), watch the video to find out more about what this is and how to take care of it.
Don’t let someone else’s story stop you! When you’re ready to stop procrastinating and create the life you are meant to live, email me. We’ll set up a call to talk about what’s going on with you and see if I can help.
In the last few months I’ve stumbled across the most counterintuitive cause of procrastination you can imagine. More than half my clients have this problem. It slows them down. It gets in the way of accomplishing their goals. And it has led them to think they’re stupid. Or lazy. Or both.
The cause? Growing up gifted.
Now I truly believe everyone on the planet has gifts to share with the world. I’m not talking about that here. I’m using “gifted” in the technical sense of being really bright or having a high IQ.
You would think that someone who is gifted in that way has it easy. They get a high-paying job that funds a lavish lifestyle without even trying. They just create a brilliant business that changes the world. They easily turn their dreams into reality.
You would be wrong. Those who study the gifted have found that an extremely common outcome for gifted children is that they become underachievers as adults.
If you’re curious about why that would happen watch the video to find out one reason, and what I’ve been doing with my clients to change that outcome.
And please, please, watch the video if:
• You were formally identified as gifted as a child.
• Someone like a teacher mentioned how smart you were in a subject (which may well mean you were gifted even if you weren’t great in other subjects).
• You have a parent or sibling who was very smart (which means you very likely were too, even if something else prevented you from being identified as gifted yourself).
• You have a child you know or suspect is really bright (yep, another indication that you are probably gifted, too).
The video also recommends two resources you can check out that can help you make sense of what you went through and what you can do to achieve more in your life: sengifted.org (Supporting Emotional Needs of the Gifted—SENG) and nwgca.org (the Northwest Gifted Child Association).
The experiences of growing up gifted often lead to conscious or subconscious beliefs that cause someone to procrastinate as an adult. And no one has to keep those beliefs. They can be changed. Watch the video to find out more.
When you’re ready to stop procrastinating and create the life you are meant to live, email me. We’ll set up a call to talk about what’s going on with you and see if I can help.
Not knowing what you want is the most effective form of procrastination there is. It stops you before you even get started.
It can be baffling, too. Everyone else seems to know what they want. What their goals are. What direction they want to take in life.
And you just can’t decide what you want (sometimes even when it comes to the little things, like what movie to watch). When you try, you get stopped right out of the gate with “fuzzy thinking.” You just don’t know!
This may show up as difficulty making decisions in one area of your life, like what career to choose. Or it could be a global issue for you making every choice a challenge, from where to go for dinner to who to marry.
If you struggle with making decisions, whether specifically or globally, know that there is a reason it’s so hard, and that reason is usually buried deep down in your subconscious.
Watch the video to see what causes the “fuzzy thinking” and how to get rid of it so you can finally go after what you truly want.
When you’re ready to stop the fuzzy thinking and figure out what you really want so you can finally create the life you are meant to live, email me. We’ll set up a call to talk about what’s going on with you and see if I can help.
Do you pay for expensive trainings, groups, or programs, then fail to follow through on what you learned? Or procrastinate so much you never even open them on your computer?
To others it can seem like you expect that just paying the money is a Magic Pill that will bring you whatever you want without your having to lift a finger. But that’s not what’s really going on.
There’s a reason that you get excited about those opportunities but then can’t bring yourself to take action. Watch the video to find out what’s really holding you back from taking advantage of those programs that could change your life, and what to do about it.
If you want to stop procrastinating once and for all and create the life you are meant to, email me. We’ll set up a call to talk about what’s going on with you and see if I can help.
I met a woman who dreamed of creating beautiful jewelry but didn’t because she was “lazy.” Or so she said.
The truth was she was following a “rule” given to her years ago by someone else—someone who was no longer even in her life.
If you are not living the life you’re meant to yet, it’s not because you are lazy or stupid or lack motivation or don’t deserve it or any of the other negative, nasty things you’ve been telling yourself.
The reason you procrastinate, avoid taking certain actions or even sabotage your own efforts instead of going after your dreams is that, like the woman I met, you have an internal mental block that you may not even know is there.
Watch the video to find out how I know that’s true.
Do you find that a case of nerves can get in the way of going after what you want sometimes? Then this week’s technique can help.
Usually I use Tapping with clients to get rid of their deep-seated blocks to creating the life they want. But it’s not the only trick I have up my sleeve!
Do this simple technique when you’re just a little nervous about something and you will feel more confident in minutes. Watch the video now:
When you’re nervous you can’t think at your best or be as convincing or appealing as you are when you are confident, whether you’re giving a presentation at work or going on a date. Try this technique out next time you’ve got a case of the jitters and see what a difference it makes.
Today I want to give you a way to figure out whether your have a common block which can completely derail your progress. I’ll also give you a way to defuse it.
Although this block is common, it often manages to go unrecognized in most people since it only shows up when they start to make—and actually see—real progress towards their goals. That’s when it starts driving them to sabotage the progress they are making, which can be completely confusing as well as frustrating.
Why would anyone sabotage their own efforts just when they are starting to see some success?
Actually, it makes perfect sense that someone would sabotage themselves when they are starting to see improvement if the block they have is a fear of letting go of how they think of themselves. Take my client “Dominic,” an independent consultant who has a history of cycling back and forth between periods of expanding his client list and backing off from his business and letting it shrivel. He’s even been known to take a job in an entirely different field during a period where he is stepping away from his business. He truly loves what he does and wants to build a thriving practice, so we’ve been knocking down the internal blocks that get him off track.
After making some initial progress on his blocks, we decided to tackle his backlog of paperwork. Dominic had been letting his billing slide, which was doing a number on his cash flow. We made a plan, breaking down the project into several steps, then putting the steps on his calendar. We also made a plan for him get the billing done on a weekly basis going forward. What had seemed an insurmountable problem turned into something he could catch up on within a few days, then easily take care of after that. Dominic must have felt great, right?
Wrong. When I asked him how he was feeling, Dominic said with surprise in his voice that he was feeling “a little anxious.” As I asked more questions, he admitted that he didn’t know what it would be like to have his business running smoothly. He was a “flake.” Everybody knew that, including him. Who would he be when his business was thriving? He wouldn’t be that flake anymore. So who would he be?
Fear of losing…everything
When we have been holding a picture in our mind for a long time of who we are, anything that threatens to replace that picture can feel dangerous, even if on the surface we really want the change. It can seem to us, on some deeper level, that who we are will die if we change too much—even if we think the change is for the good. That’s extreme language, I know, but that’s how this block makes us feel. Then we will do anything, even sabotage what we want most in life, to avoid that frightening feeling.
Of course, we know that becoming more successful in our business or job will not make us die. But simply knowing that on an intellectual level does not change the emotional reaction we have to the “threat” to our self-image. And those emotions get triggered if we take a significant step towards change.
So if you notice that you start out full of good intentions on a new effort to move forward in your job or business, but pull back whenever you start to make progress, you may have this emotional block. If you have a pattern of doing something to screw up what had been off to a good start, you may have this block. Perhaps you just have a feeling that this might be a problem for you. If you have any of these indications, try this experiment.
What do you see when you visualize change, in detail?
Close your eyes. See yourself as more successful than you already are—maybe you are one more rung up the corporate ladder, or your business has a wait list of clients clamoring to hire you. Whatever you’ve been telling yourself is your next big goal, imagine you have achieved it and it’s effortless now. What do you look like? What does your workplace look like? Picture what you do during the day. Are you busy in important meetings? Traveling and giving presentations? Do you have more direct reports or people working for you? Who do you talk with and how do you interact with each other?
I assume that you will have more income. What are you doing with it? Imagine what it feels like to have more than you need to pay the bills, pay off all your debts, be able to go on more exotic vacations, pay for education, move to a bigger house, or donate more to your favorite charities—whatever you would do with the increase.
Now hear in your mind what the important people in your life are saying to you about your newfound success, whether that is your spouse, family members, clients, co-workers, bosses, or friends. Include important people from your past (your soccer coach, first wife, and brother you haven’t talked to in years). Don’t forget to “talk” to people who have died. Next, imagine what those same people are really thinking. Some of their thoughts will be the same as what they say to you, but some will be different.
If I’ve missed anything, be sure you put it into your picture. The goal is to really imagine all the aspects of your success. When you’ve spent some time getting a complete picture of this success and what it will change in your life, check out how you are feeling about it. You might expect to feel happy, excited, hopeful, even relieved, and you probably will feel some of those emotions. But if anything negative came up—like nervousness, worry, fear, heaviness, sadness, or overwhelm—some part of you is probably trying to avoid the loss of the “old” you.
Getting a negative feeling from inside yourself while visualizing your dreams coming true? Yep, you’ve got the block we’re talking about here.
Three simple steps to end the self-sabotage
One way to get around this block is to set aside time every day to do exactly what you just did. Visualize yourself as this more successful you, going through your day with all the perks of the success. You really only need to do this a few minutes at a time. But to make this work, you need to do three other things:
First, if negative things come into your visualization, like your boss yells at you, or you screw up and tick off your clients, or you are working too many hours, correct that part of the visualization. Visualize it again, but this time visualize the way you really want it to turn out (even if you have your boss acting out of character). After all, this is supposed to be the success you want, so see it that way.
Second, while visualizing, put each of your thumbs on the side of the index finger next to it and rub gently in slow circles near the base of the fingernail. This is a relaxation technique that will help you let go of the negative emotions that come up when you are visualizing your own success. This is key, since those negative emotions are the ones that are driving you to sabotage yourself when success starts to loom on the horizon.
Keep doing this exercise for a few minutes each day until the new you feels comfortable, and there are no more negative emotions connected to seeing yourself as successful.
We usually think that, to change how we think of ourselves, first we have to change what we do. It’s counterintuitive to think we have to change how we think of ourselves in order to change what we do, but that is exactly how you will get past this particular block.
So if you’ve discovered you have this block—you’re thinking of yourself as less successful than you want to be—it’s time to get started changing your thoughts. Until you do, it’s going to be nearly impossible to change what you are doing.