Not Visible Enough? Blame the Patriarchy!

Old patriarchal rules have been showing up in my MVP clients’ subconscious, mucking up their Visibility.

How? Let me ‘splain.

In the MVP Framework I use, Visibility (the “V” in MVP) is about getting in front of a bigger audience, whether through your writing, videos, in-person speaking, or any way you reach the people you’re here for.

Patriarchal muck limiting our Visibility has seeped deep into the subconscious of many women. Even the most successful ones!

Watch to get details on some of the worst patriarchal rules for visibility and where they can come from.

This old patriarchal slime can show up in a number of ways, perhaps sounding like “No one wants to hear what I have to say.

If you catch yourself muttering something like that to yourself, you might have internalized this slam to your ego when:

  • Your raised hand was passed over at school in favor of a boy’s. Over and over again.
  • Or you were regularly talked over at work.
  • Or your ideas were ignored until a male colleague put them forward as his own, when suddenly they were accepted by the boss as pure brilliance.
  • Or maybe, like many of us, your mother gave you the message to not speak up or stand out. She probably did it to keep you safe, but still .…

And even though the crud no longer serves you (if it ever did), there it is in your subconscious, getting triggered whenever you risk being seen in a much bigger way.

Another old bit of patriarchal sludge a lot of women have is “It’s not safe to be seen.

One client had a nasty example of this.

She’s amazing and has something big to get out in the world, something that’s going to change lives.

But she was dragging her feet getting her program out there.

When we went digging for reasons why, up popped a co-worker from an early job.

This jack@$$ made crude comments about her. Followed her around, leering at her. Acted as if he had a right to treat her any way he wanted.

Ever since then, her subconscious has made her hesitant to stand out. To speak up. To be noticed.

It was afraid she’d attract another jerk.

(Just so you know, this has happened to quite a few of my clients. And friends. And relations. Sigh.)

So in one session we tapped on that experience. Now she’s marketing with enthusiasm, excited about all the attention she’s going to get when she gets her program out in the world.

Does any of this sound like you? Do you find yourself reluctant to get out there and be seen in a bigger way?

Maybe it really IS the patriarchy!

And it’s time to change it.

Hit “Reply.” Let’s set up a time to talk about what’s going on with you and how we might change it.

Happy Tapping!

—Nancy

What’s Holding Women Entrepreneurs Back More Than Men?

In working with the women in my MVP Clubs to release their subconscious blocks, I’ve been uncovering something I never expected to find in 2021.

At least not to the extent I’ve been seeing it.

Watch the video to find out more:

These are really amazing women: speakers, writers, consultants, artists, financial advisors, coaches and more. Women who are solos and women running teams. Women who keep going despite struggling financially at times and women who make multiple six figures consistently.

No matter what they are doing or where they are in their journey, they feel called to do more. Have more. Be more. Have a bigger impact.

And along the way they’ve been slowed down by their number one nemesis.

Themselves.

More specifically, by their subconscious.

And what’s been coming up a lot lately in our sessions has been a thread that I frankly didn’t expect to see.

At least, I didn’t expect to see it in these accomplished, intelligent, highly educated, capable and successful women.

What we’ve been uncovering is a deep strain of patriarchal rules holding them back.

Rules like:

  • “I can’t be more successful than the men in my life.”
  • “Women can’t be leaders.”
  • “I’m supposed to be taken care of by a man.”
  • “I should defer to a man.”
  • “Men make better decisions.”
  • “Men are smarter—or more effective—or better than women.”

And on and on.

Don’t get me wrong! None of these women accept any of these ideas consciously.

Consciously, we all say “F*** the Patriarchy” with conviction. (We actually have fun saying that in the group. Especially with conviction!)

Consciously we can and do reject these patriarchal ideas.

But when we go digging for the reasons someone has been holding herself back from growing her team, or raising her rates, or reaching out to that potential partner, or moving forward with the next project, up come some of these old chestnuts that most of us consciously rejected long ago.

Then we tap to neutralize them so they can’t do any more damage.

If you wonder if you might have some of those patriarchal messages rattling around in your subconscious, ask yourself:

  • What messages did you get growing up about the differences between men and women?
  • Which of those messages did you laugh about when you got older?
  • Or get mad at?
  • Or vehemently dismiss, saying “Not me. NEVER me.”

You’d be surprised at how many of those found your way into your subconscious.

Where they may be holding you back.

Here’s the trick. If they are in your subconscious, you probably still get a bit… irked when you think of them. That’s how you know they’re still there.

Really, if you react with anything other than a light-hearted chuckle, they are probably having some kind of effect on you.

Slowing you down.

Like they’d been slowing down my MVP-ers. At least, before we tapped and released them.

So I’m curious. What was the message about men and women you heard most growing up? Drop me an email to let me know!

Happy Tapping!

—Nancy

Fear of Screwing Up

Is fear of screwing up holding you back?

It was holding my client back in spite of her already being really, really successful.

She’s known around the world in her field and has been featured on international stages.

International!

Yet the fear of making a mistake had her refusing to let her talks be recorded. Keeping her playing smaller than she could.

She was afraid of making a mistake and having it out in the world. Forever.

And she was days away from having her presentation recorded.

She’d committed.

No backing out.

And she was scared of screwing it up.

Watch the video to hear more.

(Spoiler alert: she did great!)

If you have a fear of screwing something up—like posting a video or doing some public speaking (which is America’s biggest phobia, by the way)—you’ve probably heard that the way to get past it is to just do the thing. Whatever it is.

Because then you’ll realize it wasn’t so terrible and you won’t be as afraid the next time.

Good advice.

And if you can just do that, then go for it!

But if you can’t just make yourself do the thing—if you’re toooooo afraid to push through—then use some tapping.

Tapping can make all the difference. (I’ve seen that happen over and over.)

Because when you’ve tapped down your fear of screwing up, you can just get out there and do the thing.

Whatever it is.

Screwing up doesn’t seem like such a big deal after all.

You’ll start thinking “If I make a mistake, so what?!

People need me to get out there.

Even if I make mistakes along the way.

So let’s get you out there in a bigger way, helping those you’re here to reach.

Don’t let fear of screwing up get in your way.

Happy Tapping!

—Nancy

Why Imposter Syndrome Strikes Women More

Imposter Syndrome (that feeling that you’re not as capable as others see you) really seems to hold women back more than men.

Why should that be?

Well, I have some theories.

Watch the video for the full exploration of why women seem to struggle with Imposter Syndrome more than men—
where it comes from and why it’s so persistent.

From my own experience with clients, I’ve seen it come from personal experiences:

  • There was the client whose parents made it clear she was not supposed to outshine her brother.
  • Then there were the clients who created their own businesses after being passed over for promotion in favor of men one too many times.
  • And far too often, there was the implicit message (especially from their mothers) that they should not speak up, be seen, or stand out, that led them to doubt themselves.

There’s also the messages we’ve all gotten from growing up seeing boys and men in leadership roles in schools, sports, TV and movies, companies, government….

Well, you get the idea.

And all of these experiences set us women up to doubt ourselves, hold ourselves back, and step aside to let men do the leading.

That has to stop.

We need women to lead now more than ever.

(Look, I love men and happily work with some wonderful men who are doing important work in their lives and the world. But this message is for women.)

It’s time to step back from the competitive, Us v. Them, Win/Lose approaches that have brought so much suffering and limitation.

And I think women leaders are the answer.

So when you feel like you are called to do something bigger in the world, but you hold yourself back because you feel like you’re not good enough to do that, or someone else would be better, or “they’d find out you were a fraud” if you tried . . .

Don’t listen to that feeling.

It’s just a young part of you that learned that you were supposed to stay small so you’d be safe.

Staying small won’t really keep you safe. (You know that.)

It sure as hell won’t bring about the change that you are called to make in the world.

That only you can make!

And if your Imposter Syndrome is particularly loud and hard to ignore, tap on its messages. They aren’t true, and Tapping can help you realize that.

Because we need you to show up fully in the world, being the you that you are truly meant to be.

Happy Tapping!

-Nancy

What I Learned about Imposter Syndrome from Getting Slapped Upside the Head By the Universe

Two weeks ago I talked about Imposter Syndrome.

Last week, the Universe laughed at me.

Watch my video to see what I learned from my own bout of Imposter Syndrome.

It was the beginning of a 24-hour virtual event put on by Harvard Alumni Entrepreneurs.

I figured “I’m an alum of the law school. I started my own business. These are my people!

Boy, was that not how it felt.

As soon as I walked in the virtual “room” it hit me. These are real entrepreneurs. They are creating new apps. Talking to angel investors. Launching businesses they’ll sell for gazillions.

Not me. I don’t belong.

I’m a fraud.

And they’re going to find me out.

Look down on me.

Laugh at me.

Wow.

So I said my goodbyes and left quickly.

Let me be clear. Everyone I talked to was lovely. This was me. I was the one telling myself I didn’t belong. Telling myself I wasn’t good enough.

It was a total inside job.

Frankly, it was embarrassing.

I’m in the middle of exploring how Imposter Syndrome hits women leaders especially hard and explaining what to do about it.

Just do it anyway, I’d said. Eventually you’ll realize you are good enough, I’d said. And if that’s too hard, then just tap, I’d said.

I had it figured out.

And there I was. Totally caving to my own Imposter Syndrome.

So I took my own medicine. Went back into the event the next night. (I felt much better.)

I posted about my experiences in Facebook and was overwhelmed by the support I got.

Watch the video for the whole embarrassing story.

I learned a lot from this experience that I want to share.

First, it’s normal to feel like a fraud sometimes.

Second, many really successful women feel like an imposter sometimes. Having the feeling doesn’t mean you are not successful or capable of success.

And most importantly: if you feel like an imposter, know that it is not true.

Please don’t give into that feeling.

The world needs you.

Happy Tapping!

—Nancy

Shut Up Already, Imposter Syndrome!

Imposter Syndrome is a liar.

It needs to shut up.

Now.

Imposter Syndrome is the experience of feeling like you are not as competent as others see you.

So do you ever feel like you’re an imposter? Like you’re nowhere near as good as people are expecting?

Like you should just give up already and go do something easy so you don’t let anybody down?

I experienced Imposter Syndrome big time when I started at law school. Oh so many years ago.

Looking at the hundreds of students around me, I thought “They deserve to be here. Not me. I got in by mistake. Harvard’s going to figure it out any minute and show me the door.”

(That actually happened to someone once! More about that in my video.)

Turns out that a lot of my fellow law students, particularly the women I talked to, had the same feeling.

Eventually we got over it and decided that maybe we deserved to be there after all.

But sometimes the strategy of waiting until you get enough experience won’t work.

So what do you do when Imposter Syndrome keeps you stuck?

An incredibly accomplished woman came to me for help getting moving on her career. She was a star in her graduate program, where her professors expected her to become an influential muckety-muck in the world of therapy for autistic children.

She was passionate about the work. Excited to get started.

And two years later she was totally stuck because…

Imposter Syndrome.

Watch the video to see how her Imposter Syndrome had limited her and what we did to release it.

If Imposter Syndrome has you questioning whether you’re really good enough to do what you’re capable of—and maybe even called to do—know that you don’t have to give in to it!

Take action.

Even if you stumble along the way.

Even if you just know you’re not as good as they all think.

Even if you’re not perfect. (And who is?!)

What you do is valuable even if you don’t feel good enough, way down deep.

And if you can’t get started, or you drag your feet, because of the lies Imposter Syndrome is whispering in your ear, let’s talk.

The world needs you to step up.

Do what you’re here to do.

Don’t let Imposter Syndrome stop you.

Tell it to shut up already.

Happy Tapping!
—Nancy

If You’ve Been Holding Yourself Back…

Last week I realized something.

In fact, it was a Divine Download. (I didn’t even know I could have one of those!)

Watch the video to hear about how it showed up for me.

Here’s what I journaled:

It’s time for all people with a bigger vision—who want to help others, who want to change the world, or just their corner of the world—to step up.

It’s time for you to have more money. A lot more money. Money to pay for the support and wield the influence you need to do what you are called to do. For all of us.

It’s time for you to trust yourself. To know you are right. To know that you are here to make a big difference.

It’s time for you to stop playing small. To let yourself be seen.

To step up and lead.

No more “Who, me? I’m not that important.”

YES. YOU. ARE!

The world needs you, now more than ever.

The world needs the biggest you that you can be.

It’s not just about taking care of yourself and your family (although that is important).

It’s about being fully you. Bringing all the power you have to your purpose so you can have the biggest impact.

To counteract what’s wrong in the world now.

The time for playing small is over.

You are called to something too important to let your old way of thinking and being hold you back.

It’s time to leave that behind.

To step up.

To lead.

For that you need money. You need support. You need visibility.

You need to believe in yourself.

So do what it takes to release what’s holding you back.

The world can’t wait anymore.

We need you NOW.

So that’s what I journaled last week. (Well, I cleaned it up a bit. But not much.)

I wanted you to see it.

Because you and your purpose are too important to play small.

The world needs the leader you can be.

Happy Tapping!

—Nancy

Should You Wait?!

I’ve been hearing from a lot of people lately that they are waiting.

Are you?

Waiting until the US election is over . . . Until the new government is installed . . . Until a vaccine comes through.

Waiting until 2021 because you’ve written off 2020!

Waiting for something outside of yourself to change before you move forward with what you want in your life.

Oh, I totally get it—lately there have been times I’ve just wanted to hunker down with some ice cream and wait until this all blows over.

It sounds logical and rational to wait until things settle down.

But what I know from all the work I’ve done with my clients is that this kind of “waiting until” reasoning is false.

It’s really just your rational brain trying to make sense of why you aren’t going after what you want.

And there are a lot of possible reasons out there to blame for why you aren’t taking action. Especially now.

The truth is, though, that it isn’t rational to wait to start living your life until things get back to normal. Why? Well . . .
• Will things ever really get back to the way they were? No one knows for sure, but a lot of folks are starting to speculate they won’t.
• Of course there will be changes when we have an effective vaccine. And the economy improves. But no one knows how long it will take for those changes to happen. What does it benefit you to put everything on hold until then?
• And what will truly be different in your day-to-day life the day—or week, or month, or year—after the election is decided?

So why are you really waiting?

I’ve heard things like this from long before 2020.
• “I’m going to wait until I have more money.”
• “I’m going to wait until the kids are grown up.”
• “I’m going to wait until I’ve gotten certified.” Or “learned more.” Or “gotten more experience.”

There’s always something you can “wait until.”

But that’s not going to get you what you want.

If you want a big change in your life or business, the best time to go after that change is RIGHT NOW.

To do that, you need to make a change inside of you. Because what’s really holding you back is not happening on the outside.

It’s on the inside.

Change what’s going on inside of you so you can step up no matter what is happening out there.

Then you can change what’s going on in your life and maybe in other people’s lives. For the better.

So if you’ve been telling yourself you should wait, don’t listen.

Really.

Because this is your life.

Don’t wait to start living it.

Do You Have a Money Block?

Do you have a money block—a subconscious bit of “old programming” that gets in the way of your making, and keeping, more money?

The short answer is, if your financial situation is not where you know it could be then yes, you have a money block. (Sorry to be the bearer of bad news!)

If you want to get more specific about how your money block shows up, ask yourself:

  • Do I make less than I know I’m capable of?
  • Do I struggle to raise my rates to what others are charging, even though I’m giving as much as (or more than!) they are?
  • Does it feel like I’m on a money roller coaster, making plenty of money one month, then wondering how I’m going to pay the bills the next?
  • Does it seem like I lose any extra money as soon as I get it? [Maybe you invest it in yet another expensive program. Or an unexpected bill comes in. Or….]
  • Does it seem like I’m stuck at the same financial level, no matter what I do?

These are just some of the common ways money blocks make their presence known. 

And as long as you have a subconscious money block, it doesn’t matter how motivated you are to make more money, rein in your spending, or grow your business, you will keep holding yourself back. 

I get it. It is sooooo frustrating to have to keep doing battle with yourself, over and over again. Pouring all this energy into your business and never seeing the returns you know are within your reach! 

It doesn’t have to be this way. I’ve released all of these money blocks—and more—with clients.

So if one or more of those questions is a “yes” for you, my Money Blocks Solution is the perfect solution.

It will be starting again in the beginning of October. Just a few weeks away.

If you’re wondering if the Money Blocks Solution would be right for you, just reach out. 

Email me at Nancy@UnblockResults.com. We’ll set up a call to talk about what’s going on with you and your money and see if there’s a fit.

Wouldn’t it be great to finally stop holding yourself back?!

I Call Bullshit!

We’re being inundated with the message that we are all in hard times now and no one is making any money. 

I call BULLSHIT.

(Pardon my swearing, but this issue needs that kind of emphasis.)

I read the news. I see social media post after social media post driving the point home that “There’s no money out there. No one is buying now. We might as well flush 2020—and our businesses—down the drain, ‘cause we’re all going to end up living in a tent.

I don’t buy it. 

And I want you to know that it’s a lie.

Yes, it’s true that many people are struggling now. This is a problem we need to address as a society.

But you don’t help them or anyone else by buying into the gloom-and-doom line that “It’s going to happen to me and everyone I know.” 

I know it can be hard to step away from those messages, to think differently from the mainstream messages, but it’s important. 

Here’s what happens if you accept the messages as the truth:

  • First, you become afraid, which makes it hard to think and get creative with your business. 
  • Then you hide, which means you don’t get your message (or new offer, or virtual service, or great product) out to those people who need it—and would buy from you—now.
  • Finally, you just give up. And that means you don’t make the money you could use to help yourself and those who are struggling.

I don’t want any of that for you!

So what do you do instead? 

One thing you can do is look for the small businesses doing well now. If you can’t think of any, let me share some.

  • I’ve heard from numerous friends and colleagues that their business is doing better than ever now.
  • My own business has had 3 of its 4 highest earning months ever over the past summer. Yes, during COVID times. (And, yes, I know I’m blessed.)
  • My clients are telling me things like: “This is the best month I’ve ever had.” And “I’d never sold my biggest program before, but I sold it to three people last month.” And “Making money has been so easy.”

In fact, after posting a video about the BS messages earlier this week on Facebook, I had a lot of other business owners reaching out to tell me that they have been doing really well, too. It’s like we’ve been feeling like we’re supposed to keep it secret.

Here’s that video:

It shouldn’t be a secret. It is possible to make money now. A lot of it. And plenty of business owners are doing just that.

That means the money is there, waiting for you. 

It can even be easy to earn it.

When you realize that down to your toes, then it becomes easier to make money.

All of this is why I’m declaring the theme of September to be “Money!” 

I’ll be focusing the whole month on money—talking about what you can do to clear away the gunk inside so you can earn the money that’s out there for you. Easily.

So if you’re struggling with $—or the idea of making $—during these times, September is your month.

Stay tuned.